Stories of two and a half men
by Gu Long
Summary: This is a collection of short stories. Some are more and other less funny. Some of them have sexual content while others do not. Rated M for language and sexual content.


**Birthday Gift**

Alan was drinking his coffee in the kitchen and reading a newspaper when Chelsea walked in. "Good morning.", she said.

"Hi.", Alan nonchalantly replied and continued reading the news. Suddenly, he remembered something and said, "Chelsea, today is Jake's 17th birthday. So we will throw a party for him tonight."

Chelsea, smiling, remarked: "Great. Will he invite many friends?"

"Ehm… Actually, I will just buy a birthday cake."

Chelsea was waiting to hear what else Alan had prepared for his son, so he was forced to elaborate: "Well, Charlie doesn't want to have a bunch of teenagers in his house. Plus, such a party would cost a lot and well I have pay for alimony, taxes..."

"Really? He will spend his 17th birthday with you?"

Alan awkwardly smiled. "Well, this is a good chance for us father and son to get closer. Plus, I will not be the only guest in the party. You and Charlie can celebrate with us."

Call the devil and the devil comes, they say. At that moment Charlie walked into the kitchen, still not fully waken up. "I am not going to spend my night with big-headed. Forget it."

"But he is your nephew!", Chelsea protested.

"So what? I let him live in this house for free so many years. Is this not enough?"

He then opened the fridge and smiling he said, "Besides, I have bought him a gift which will surely make him happy: a chocolate cake. A huge one."

"You bought him only a cake?", Chelsea asked. "I can understand why Alan did not buy him anything expensive as he is poor, but you make lots of money."

"Firstly, Alan is not poor. He is just frugal and will not spend a dollar even if his life was at stake."

Alan was about to protest but Charlie continued speaking before he could have a chance to do so. "Secondly, why should I buy him something expensive and waste money when he is going to be as happy with eating a chocolate cake and then getting a hamburger from Goodies?"

Alan stood up and said, "I will have to leave. I've got to go to my office early today. And just for the record, I am not frugal. I am just wise in how I manage my money."

Charlie laughed. "Yeah, right. That is another name for saying that you are too cheap to buy a coffee. Anyway, I too will have to leave. I need to meet a recorder for my next jingle."

Chelsea was shocked that neither of them wanted to put any effort at all in Jake's birthday. So, she decided to buy a gift for Jake by herself. A few minutes after both Charlie and Alan had left the house, Jake arrived in the kitchen.

"Hi.", he said to Chelsea and quickly headed for the fridge to get a chocolate bar.

"Happy birthday.", Chelsea said, smiling and trying to show concern. Jake nonchalantly said, "thanks" and proceeded to eat the chocolate.

Chelsea looked at him and thought, 'what would a teenage like him want for birthday?'. She then noticed a bulge on Jake's pants. He had a boner. This gave her an idea.

"Jake, go to your room.", she said. "I am going to give you a birthday gift."

"Why don't you give it to me here?", he asked.

"Just go!"

"Alright.", he said and sighing he left for his room.

Jake was lying on his bed, waiting for Chelsea's gift while thinking of what to eat next. He was still hungry. 'I will mix chocolate bars with pop corn', he thought. It was then when Chelsea entered the room. She was on high heels and wearing only red lingerie.

"Wow!", Jake remarked. "Just wow. Now I understand why uncle Charlie likes you so, so much."

"Happy birthday Jake."

"That's the best birthday gift I've got since...". Jake thought for a moment. "Well, since uncle Charlie bought me ten huge hamburgers three years ago."

Chelsea ignored the comment and ordered, "Stand up!"

He got up from the bed and then Chelsea kneeled before him. She then lowered his pants, revealing his medium sized but stiff dick. She began masturbating it and asked, "Do you like it?"

"Sure I do. I like it more than the chocolate pyramid uncle Charlie bought me a few weeks ago."

She then licked it. Jake groaned. "This is better than the Fiona Pizza's special Pizza."

Chelsea soon removed all her clothes and rode on his dick. She was moaning and Jake was coming close to the climax. Sensing this, he pulled his manhood out of her and spread his cum on her face. He then collapsed on the bed, totally exhausted. 'I am hungry', he thought. 'Having sex sure is tiring.'


End file.
